The Private Blog Of Joe Cowley The brilliantly funny and cringe-worthy secret blog of 14-year-old Joe Cowley (wannabe comic artist and self-confessed repeller of girls):
Sunday 1st January
So here's the thing. I've decided to start writing a blog. A private one. The idea is that it'll help me sort my life out; because quite frankly; it can't get much worse . . .
· I gained the nickname Puke Skywalker after vomiting over Louise Bentley on the waltzer.
· I am subjected to daily wedgies by my arch-enemy Gav James.
· My so-called best mates are trying to get me killed in a bid to win pound;250 on You've Been Framed.
This cannot go on. I have to do something; or I'll end up like Mad Morris down the park who thinks he's Jesus. By the end of next term; I'm going to be a completely different person.
At least; that's the theory...
Welcome To Cringefest Right blog. I'm back! Let's not waste time with pleasantries - there is absolutely NOTHING pleasant about my life right now.
Reasons why everything is terrible:
1. The love of my life; AKA Natalie; still hates me all because of one tiny - OK; huge - mistake.
2. Natalie has now started hanging around with my so-called 'friend' Greeny. Since January; he's lost about half of his body weight and now girls actually fancy him!
3. Harry; Ad; and Greeny AKA The Sound Experience have had a top ten dance hit with a sample of my voice saying 'I'm as gay as the day is long'.
Still; at least there's Buzzfest to look forward to. Who knows; once we're there; amid all the beautiful people; scenery and music; Natalie might realise I am the love of her life and return into my waiting arms.
On the other hand; it could just be full of weirdos; overflowing toilets from hell; and death metal . . .
Joe Cowley is back! And this time it's even more butt-clenchingly embarrassing and excrutiating than before. From a 'Grand Gesture' involving Star Trek costumes and the school boyband; to being trapped in a portaloo that's about to be pushed over. Joe's completely up to his neck in it - literally! Welcome to Cringefest . . .
Straight Outta Nerdsville Too old for wimpy kid? Meet Joe Cowley!
Blog! You have NO IDEA how happy I am right now. I'm smiling so much; I look like The Joker in a wind tunnel.
GET A LOAD OF THIS:
- Harry; Ad; Greeny; and me are living in our own flat; right in the heart of the city. I know; amazing!We're city-slicking; hard-hustling; good-timing; not-even-missing-our-mummies-one-little-bit city boys.
- The Sound Experience are about to sign a major recording contract and as their manager I intend to shake the music industry to its core with my unconventional approach.
- AND I'm dating a cool older girl; who is totally into my sophisticated city-boy charm.
Big things are happening! The Tammerstone Massive are keeping it real and living it large. Fame; fortune; and fast cars await . . . it definitely won't end in failure; fiasco; or fighting . . .
The fourth book about the unstoppable; unfathomable; and unbelievable Joe Cowley; in a series being hailed as Diary of a Wimpy Kid meets The Inbetweeners.
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